So the last time I posted I think I shared how cutting my child's fingernails felt like an accomplishment to me, a huge one at that. Well let me just tell you things have been a little crazier around here since those little finger nail clippings. I have had some of the hardest times as a mom for almost two months now.
Moriah our now 5 month old was having the hardest time nursing so soon after I noticed her frustrations and mine I thought I needed to start giving her formula in addition to nursing her. I had the guilt of not nursing her but then needed my sanity and let go of the guilt. With Moriah I was determined to nurse her the longest and was looking forward to it. ((with my boys- due to working full time with Cohen and Conrad I felt wasn't getting enough and we had just moved to Haiti and I was worried so just started adding formula)) My boys had no problem took the formula and nursed until it got to the point they were doing it maybe once a day (6 months and 9 months) so then they were just getting all formula. It was hard for me and I felt guilty but then thought they are being fed and doing well and soon the guilt was gone.
Moriah was not content one bit with formula and I tried three different kinds. So I then was looking into ways to bring my milk in and started pumping all day to help bring my milk in. I was trying to self diagnose my daughters issues and try to figure out what was wrong with her. I was seriously so overwhelmed and tired and would nurse her give her formula even though it upset her then I would go pump. My boys ((ages 2 and 3)) were like two little wild animals going crazy in the house while I was being consumed with figuring out how to nurse Moriah. Turns out they would even make it harder for me to nurse her because I am a human jungle gym to them especially my 2 year old. She was so distracted and that made nursing through a hard time even harder.
To wrap this up ((even though I could write a book on my frustrations))- with tons of great advice from friends, family members, The snap mom community, The Breastfeeding Center, and most importantly PRAYER, patience and endurance that comes from none other than the Lord Jesus Christ :) I have made it out alive of this dry spell and Moriah is a fighter she has managed to continue to strictly breastfeed and we are going on three solid days with no supplementing of formula and I am so THANKFUL and proud! Just even this past Friday I was so frustrated and gave Moriah formula for the last time I texted my mom and had told my sisters I was so over nursing. It is still not the easiest thing to do right now but I am so glad and want to give thanks and the Glory to God for the change I have seen these last couple days. I feel so much better and plus the sun was shining these last couple days in Ohio which makes it all even better! So YES THANK YOU JESUS FOR BREASTMILK!! And don't judge me if Moriah nurses for 5 years ;) we fought hard to keep that milk coming in!
I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
I have to say also that I am thankful for my husband and his support and times like these my heart goes out to single parents who are doing it on their own most the time, you guys rock! Praying for strength to single parents today!
**I totally would have given into formula if she had allowed it, realizing now my milk did this with my boys also and they transitioned to the formula fine so I didn't have to fight for my milk supply like I did this time, but it has given me a new found appreciation for nursing and I am so thankful I made it through. I thought being a stay at home mom and back in the states nursing was going to be so easy but now I know with two little boys needing my attention nursing is a struggle at times but I am even more encouraged to fight through it and continue to nurse as long as I can. I realize now it is a gift and some people don't make it through the struggle of nursing like how I was with my boys. So don't feel guilty about it I think we as mothers have a lot of guilt and we shouldn't do that. But for me this time around I am thankful that she wouldn't take the formula because it made me keep at nursing and trying to bring in my milk.
**in the end what worked best for me was pumping after each time I nursed her and nursing her whenever she would let me and I was taking fenugreek that I picked up from Vitanet. I made sure to drink lots of water and I tried to eat more realizing sometimes I would make lunch for my boys sit to nurse her and not sit and eat as much as I should so I am trying to do that as well.
**I encourage anyone who does want to continue nursing to keep at it and talk to others who have gone through it because my friends and family were really the most helpful and I am thankful for them!
Praying and thinking of anyone else going through this right now!